Survey Result

How Stress and Guilt affect the Working Mother, the Family and the Workplace

Quantitative Data Analysis

The initial survey was conducted on 201 working mothers. The average age of the participants was 39 years old. Approximately 50% of the respondents had 2 children, 28% had 3 children and the rest had 3 or more children. The total travel time to and from work per day ranged from nil (as working from home) to 3 hours per day with the average being approximately one hour travel time.

The majority of working mothers who participated in this survey (three quarters) work for financial reasons.

The survey results showed that 71% of women were experiencing moderate to extremely high levels of guilt with 91% experiencing the same intensity of stress and approximately every fifth working mother was suffering stress on the extreme end of the scale.

One attributing factor to these feelings of guilt and stress is the lack of time. Generally the respondents stated that they give priority first to work, second to the children, third to their partner and last but not least – if possible, to themselves. Their relationships with their children and partner were suffering. Many responded that their children regularly demonstrate behavioural problems and that they were experiencing relationship issues ranging from moderate to very severe which were affecting their marriage. The findings showed that up to 15% of these working mothers also had moderate to high relationship problems with work colleagues.

The survey found that  90% of working mothers blame themselves for being a bad mother (every second mother felt very strongly about this), guilt leads many of them to experience feelings of depression, anger and resentment on the moderate to extreme end of the scale.

In relation to lack of time, they demonstrated the least anger towards their work colleagues and most against themselves (almost three-quarters of women experienced high to extreme high level emotions), children place third and partners second on the list.

How do stress and/or guilt affect the workplace?

More than 50% of working mothers felt occasional or regular anger, irritability and impatience towards others at work, with 17% saying they are affected moderately to strongly, and only a quarter not being affected. Every second mother felt that stress hinders her ability to enjoy work very strongly and every third mother’s enjoyment of work is negatively influenced by guilt. However, despite these feelings, the majority (82%) definitely choose to stay in their job. It can be assumed that this is mainly for financial reasons as more than three quarters of working mothers stated that this is the main ‘reason’ for working.

Almost every second working mother feels regularly irritated by their work colleagues and is critical towards them. Feelings of stress or guilt affect moderately to strongly almost every second mother in terms of their focus and their efficiency at work which results in one third of employed mothers demonstrating regular errors, and the other two thirds making errors at times.

How does it affect their lifestyle?

There is no doubt that stress and guilt affect a mother’s emotional wellbeing. Two thirds said they are affected very strongly. More than a third of mothers responded that they often feel ill. One third hardly finds time to exercise and feels low in energy. Lack of time leads to unhealthy eating habits in over 50% of working mothers. It is assumed that poor diet and lack of exercise are part of the reason for poor health and lack of energy. ‘ME’ or leisure time is low on the list of priorities with only two thirds of women managing a little occasionally per week. A few lucky ones get regular time out to recover.

Qualitative Data Analysis

The survey also collected some qualitative data. We wanted to know what sort of coping mechanisms people have in place (if any), what other negative feelings they experience alongside stress and guilt, other ways in which stress and guilt affect their lifestyle and what they considered their ideal work- life balance to be.

When it came to coping mechanisms the mothers listed exercise, relaxation time, certain behaviour and attitude practice, as well as time management tools. For most, exercise consists of walking or running, going to the gym and yoga. Relaxation time means reading a book, meditation, having a sleep or taking a bath or pursuing hobbies. In addition, they listed practicing emotional distance, remaining cool or calm and demonstrating positive attitude as effective stress management methods. Time management means being organised, arranging flexi work hours, making lists and prioritising.

However, many mothers also listed some negative coping mechanisms that might potentially make matters worse rather than better. Some resort to taking drugs, drinking alcohol or coffee, smoking, binge or overeating, and making poor food choices such as getting takeaways.

On the other hand, as a result of emotional imbalance and depression, some get help through counselling, cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), psychotherapy and coaching. They seek support in partners, friends, socialising and by having a nanny or a cleaner.

Other negative feelings they experience are helplessness, feeling overwhelmed, exhaustion, lack of self confidence, worthlessness, anxiety, tiredness and sadness. In addition, they feel resentment, frustration, anger and irritability.

Their lifestyle is affected by lack of sleep, poor physical health, weight issues, social withdrawal and hibernation. Stress and guilt affect relationships with all people around them. It seems to be a cycle: ‘feeling stressed – work more – less exercise – bad eating habits – more guilt – more stress’. At work, they are abrupt in conversations, make poor decisions, are less organised and focused, demonstrate poor performance, lack concentration and “everything takes twice as long”.

The ideal work/life balance would mean to either work near or from home, work school hours only and have a 4-day work week. Working mothers also prefer to not work on weekends or at night and request more support from both partners and employers. They would like to have more time for themselves, for the children and for their relationship.

Results showed that more than 85% of working mothers would take up wellness and/or life coaching if it were to be offered by their employer.

Post Survey Comment

The data confirmed my predictions and enabled me to put together a meaningful workshop. I am now passionate to help other working mothers get rid of the guilt and get rid of the stress.Nothing beats seeing the smile on their face and hearing their stories about the changes they made in their life to achieve peace within, peace in the family, and inner peace of mind going to work.

Several groups have now completed the Switch Workshop for Working Mothers. Workshop participants completed the survey again to measure a post workshop effect. The comparison data will be published soon.